The perils of running with Lupus

I am still having a hard time figuring out my schedule during the week to get 4 short runs in. Instead I have at least managed to get 3 short runs in, but I have made them longer to get the mileage up to where I feel a comfortable base is being created. We have a schedule conflict on Wednesdays, so no one gets home until after dark. I won't run our lonely unlit roads in the dark. I feel unsafe on them during the day with the crazy driver's and logging truck traffic. Night running is definately out. I wish I could afford a treadmill or gym membership.

Today's long run included a pretty big wipe out by your's truly. We were turned around heading back in and I lost the sense of my left leg. This is something that has been happening since the Lupus invaded my body. I just lose all sensation of my left leg or my right arm. I can see it, but my brain isn't registering that limb. Today I dropped pretty hard to the ground and not only did I fall, but I tumbled a couple times as well. It makes me feel completely incapable of doing anything at all. The emotional impact of losing control is worse than the actual loss of control. I feel like an idiot. I hate that my body does this. My knee is pretty messed up and my leg is bruised from the shin to the ankle and the skin torn off in a couple of places. I am stiff. I am mad. I hate this. I will not stop running. I can't. Running saved me from myself and there is no way I am going to stop.

Running gave me something that I needed in my life. It gives me that time to process all that my day entails, from fighting for my child's developmental and medical needs, to wondering each day if I am going to continue to hold down employment in the mortgage lending industry. I think I would be insane if I didn't have that outlet.

So, I broke out the big bad pain pill, will ice and heat the knee and see how I am feeling tomorrow.